Help for women buying cars

Car dealers treat men differently than women. We all know it. I think it’s the penis. I decided that I will be bringing one with me next time I buy a car. I am going to bring mine in a box. I am going to slap it down on the desk, flip open the lid and say “now that I have a penis, you can deal with me like you would a man.” When they try to treat you like you are stupid, you can just say, “Let me ask my man.” And talk to the dildo. Then, hold your ear down and listen. “Yeah, he says you are not giving me the best deal you can. He’d like for you to lower that amount.” If you get really mad, you can pick it up and shake it at the car salesman. “We do not like this deal! You can do better.”

My book

I have decided that I am going to write a book called "Stupid Things I've Done". First chapter is going to be about coaching cheerleading......why I torture myself with the evil parents and childish other adults I work with is beyond me!

Since I have not been working, I have been watching old Criminal Minds episodes. In every episode they are looking for a white male, 35-45. So, an episode of Criminal Minds is like my dating life! Fabulous!

The Men of Meijer

SO as I am walking up to the door at Meijer today, I hear the cart boy and a dude in a wife-beater talking about how there are good women out there and they just have to look. Man, I should have spoken up! I mean, either would have been quite a catch! Since I could not decide between the two, I held it in....silly me!

Ouch

Here's a tip for all of us old-folks:

Don't try to show 13 year old cheerleaders "how it's done" unless you expect to be in wicked-ass pain the next day!

Back to it

I will go it alone this week. Great. No need for the boys to smell the fear, panic, and utter sorrow of the impending despair. Right? I will no stoop back to the level I was at before I spent over $20000 to get this wasted teaching certificate....subbing, eBay sales, tutoring, selling my kidneys, eggs, soul...whatever I can to make it through.

Will I make it? I am doubting it at this moment, but I will forge on and do whatever I have to do to make it all work.

Ok, so this post wasn't so funny. Maybe tomorrow I will have something humorous to say after I sit for hours getting work on the car. Surely that will yield something entertaining for you all.

Panic apps

Two of the "panic" applications I just submitted:

Assistant Athletic Director (laugh - go ahead. You know you want to.)

Instructional Assistant for KINDERGARTEN. (Are you feeling the desperation?)

Hope you get a giant chuckle out of those. Since I know you are all on the edge of your seats over what superb job I will apply for next, I will update again after I find more.

I did receive one offer - a cheer coach for $1100 a year - paid twice over the school year. Look out everyone, I will be rolling in the dough.

The Panic List

Today, I will have to create my "Panic List". This is the list any teacher without a job to start next week should make. It includes the following:

Apply for sub positions with at least 4 schools

Panic

Call the school you interviewed with last, you know the one that never called, and make sure that the person they did call hasn't moved, died, or spontaneously combusted

Panic

Clean everything you can to keep you busy

Panic

Call people you know and beg them to talk to their bosses about what a wonderful worker you are and how great you would be at (__________) insert any job title here

Panic

Consider WalMart, Meijer, or McDonald's as a fine possibility for a career move

Panic

Apply for that 1 1/2 hour playground supervisor job, that 3 hour a week reading tutor job, that half-time aide job, and make sure your WalMart schedule will work around it

Panic, have a drink, panic again and start all over tomorrow

About me and this blog...

So, here I am joining the bloggers of the world. I am a single mom of 3, a teacher, and aspiring comedy writer. I set up this blog to spew my random thought at the Internet world. Because there are so many things that are NOT funny about my life, I decided that to make the most of it, I will do everything I can to find the humor in my everyday life. Hence the birth of my attempts at comedy writing and blogging. Follow me. Don't follow me. Either way, I will blog my heart out when I have something to say that I need to try to spin to the funny side. So enjoy it, or don't, which ever you choose.